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Clips from Arrested Development - Whistler's Mother (S01E01)

"- No, that's your sister's brother. - I'm my sister's brother."
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"- You're in love with me. Me! - I'm in love with Tobias."
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"- My brother-in-law? - I know it can never be. So I'm leaving."
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"- I'm enlisting in the army. - To be with your brother."
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"- No! - Anyway, I can't be expected to live..."
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"on the $800-a-month army-wife stipend that I'm gonna get."
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"They just don't support the spouses."
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"You don't want to end up like Uncle Oscar, okay? Living off handouts your whole life."
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"Why don't you come up with a way to make money?"
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"A suggestion of something to invest in, or maybe, uh, maybe a business idea?"
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"Well, I've always wanted to remake Annie Hall."
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"Except I wouldn't want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola though."
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"Oh, but give me an old pro, like a Robert Redford?"
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"Oh, I'd jump into bed with him in a second."
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"And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth..."
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"- if that's what you're thinking. - Actually, that time that was what I was thinking."
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"And later that day, Maeby spotted something interesting."
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"Lindsay, meanwhile, arrived at the salon hoping to increase her self-esteem."
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"Unfortunately, her stylist hadjust been called up by his reserve unit."
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"- What's happening? Where are you going? - I'm not allowed to tell."
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"- It's the war. - Come on! These salon wars have got to stop!"
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"The war, Lindsay. The real war."
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"Lindsay was stunned, notjust that she was losing her stylist..."
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"but that apparently, there was a war going on."
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"Well, I'm protesting this war. You're my friend..."
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"and I'm not gonna let Shauna cut my hair."
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"I'm going to take a stand."
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"And Lindsay found a solution to her self-esteem problem."
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"Gob and Tobias, meanwhile, were brainstorming at a local coffee shop."
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"- I need a cup of coffee to focus. - It's so crowded in here."
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"I can't think. Okay. What is it that people need?"
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"People love to carbo-load."
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"- The bagel place. - There you go."
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"- Hey, guys. What's goin' on? - Just researching our investment."
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"Oh, yeah. Coffee places. I've thought about these."
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"I'll tell you what. You guys come up with a proposal, we'll try one."
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"Gob and Tobias accidentally had Michael on the hook..."
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"and they didn't want to blow the deal."
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"I guess that's a response."
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"- Hey, Nephew. - Oh, hey!"
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"Uncle Oscar. How are you doin'?"
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"Wow, you are like, like a rock."
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"- Oh, the tension! Come on. - Oh, okay. That's plenty."
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"- Okay. That's the pancreas right there. - What's happening now?"
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"The two men reconnected..."
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"- neither one anxious to bring up the issue at hand. - One on the lips."
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"Obviously, Dad's in prison now. I'm running the business a little bit differently."
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"- You do the best with what you have. - Yeah."
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"- I have lemons, I make lemonade. - That's a very positive attitude."
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"I hate the lemonade business. I hate the grind. You have to grind so many..."
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"- lemons. - You're not a very metaphorical person, are you?"
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"- I need money. - I know."
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"Ah, I cannot tell you how that has weighed on me."
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"Mm."
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"Why don't we sit over here?"
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"So I've got too many people watching me too closely."
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"So, if you're willing to work, or if you have something of value..."
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"The only thing I have of value is my land."
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"I could give you the rights to All You Need Are Smiles."
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"That was a song I wrote for David Cassidy; he was gonna sing it on The Mike Douglas Show."
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"But he was too embarrassed to do it in front ofJohn and Yoko."
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"- Tell me about the land. - It's a couple hundred acres..."
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"of lemon groves, right near Camp Pendleton."
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"If you're willing to part with that land, Uncle Oscar..."
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"I can guarantee you a little bit more than that $10,000."
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"To be honest, I've often thought of giving it up to pursue my... my lost love."
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"The love that was taken from me."
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"I hope that was the espresso machine."
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"Michael made the trip to survey the land."
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"It was, indeed, beautiful."
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"And the next day, he went to his father to tell him."
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"- You give that gift to my brother? - Gift? No."
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"I did not give him a gift. I told you. The money was for investing..."
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"- and that's exactly what I did with it, Pop. - Oh, Michael!"
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"This guy has got nothing in his life. He wrote one song that..."
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"madeJoan Baez call him the shallowest man in the world."
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"He has a worthless piece of property and, yes, a head of hair..."
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"only because he's never had to work for a living."
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"- Wait. What piece of property's worthless? - The grove. Where he lives."
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"I mean, you can't build on it. The government has an easement on it."
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"- Does Oscar know this? - Of course he knows it."
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"I mean, they run their... their tanks through there."
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"Occasionally, they stop for a little lemonade, but what's that?"
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"That's a buck fifty. You can't make much from that."
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"Indeed, the land was valueless."
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"Fellas! Fellas!"
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"So. Tell me about this investment you made."
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"Back at the model home, Lindsay had decided..."
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"not to take her stylist's departure lying down."
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"I'm protesting the war. There's a war going on, you know?"
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"Yeah, I'm the one who told you, and you said it happened ten years ago."
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"Hey, isn't this the same sign you used to picket the cable company..."
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"- when they dropped the Style Network? - Actually, I used this one..."
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"for Michael when he was too cheap to pay for the premium channels."
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"But I added the bit about the stylists."
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"You know that secret you have?"
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"The one about the hair that nobody's supposed to see?"
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"- Hai... - I saw it."
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"- Oh. - I saw Pop-Pop."
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"Oh, right. Pop-Pop with hair."
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"- You know, I should tell my dad about... - No, you..."
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"He might need us to help him, so we should go check out the prison..."
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"and make sure he's not there."
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"Oh. Hey, you know, I got cable. You won that one!"
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"Michael was embarrassed about the bad investment he'd made..."
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"and was hoping to keep it a secret."
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"Hi, this is Oscar. I'm off, pursuing my lady love."
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"Leave a message. I'll get back to you next summer."
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"Hey, it's Michael. I know that you think that you've disappeared..."
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"but I will find you."
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"- Who's disappeared? - No one."
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"- Why do you ask? Have you seen someone? - I've seen no one."
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"- Then you haven't seen anyone that looks like Pop-Pop. - No. Why?"
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"Has someone... who looks like Pop-Pop disappeared?"
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"No. Course not."
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"Have you seen the agricultural report?"
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"Nothing's hotter than coffee, so... the trend is up."
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"So, if we could get that check from you..."
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"I'm not just gonna hand out a check, okay?"
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"You gotta come up with an investment plan."
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