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Clips from The Great North - Period Piece Adventure (S01E01)

"and that's when I discovered that someone had kicked over"
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"my British chimney sweep garden gnome."
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"We read that you think the boot belonged to our dad."
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"-Why is that? -It was a Husky Buck brand boot,"
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"and Beef wears Husky Bucks."
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"Plus, he's a known trespasser on my property."
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"Look at those disgusting sled tracks!"
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"I'll never forget this, Beef Tobin!"
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"And I never forgot it. Police took the boot"
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"for evidence, but I'll show you where it was."
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"Look. There's still a footprint in the snow."
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"But it looks too big to be Dad's."
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"Here, compare it to my boot. Me and Dad wear the same size."
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"It's like we're twins, except he's my dad."
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"MOON: The print is too big."
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"This proves Beef is innocent. But in order to clear his name,"
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"we need to find out who is guilty."
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"We've only got one eyewitness. I'll handle him."
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"I know how to push his buttons."
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"-(click) -GNOME: 'Ello, gardener."
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"Oh, yeah, that is delightful!"
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"-Who's our next source? -Well, there's only one person"
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"in town who really loves feet."
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"He's a perv-- we shouldn't talk to him."
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"But there's another person in town who loves shoes."
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"Let's go talk to him."
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"Mural time!"
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"And wow-za, look at this turnout!"
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"I only joined this club so that I could storm out."
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"Here I go!"
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"JUDY: Okay. Bye, John."
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"I want to thank you all"
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"for volunteering to be here to help me birth my artistic child,"
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"and I'm refusing the epidural, because I want to feel"
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"when this thing crowns."
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"Hello, everyone. Your first lesson about art is:"
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"Art isn't about what you see;"
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"it's about what's going on underneath."
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"I think she's talking about that tiny hat."
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"Should we go start prepping the wall?"
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"Not so fast, Judy. We don't even know"
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"-what we're going to paint yet. -Well, I have a few ideas."
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"Judy, Judy, we'll get to it."
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"But first I'd like to run through a series of exercises"
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"to see what we'd like to scream to the world."
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"To begin, each student will answer one important question."
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"What do you think when I say "art"?"
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"-Peanut butter. -That's my breath. Try again."
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"WOLF: Greg's got everyone's shoe size in town memorized."
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"-Foot-ographic memory. -GREG: Hey, six wide."
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"Ten. And..."
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"I'm eight and a half narrow. Nice to meet you."
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"Greg, do you think you can identify a shoe"
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"-by its footprint? -Husky Buck boot,"
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"Fall/Winter collection, size 12."
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"Wow! Would you happen to know who bought this boot?"
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"Your dad, just last week."
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"No! Doo doo McGoo!"
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"You know everyone's shoe size in town."
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"Why would you sell him a pair of boots you knew wouldn't fit?"
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"Were you setting him up? You like kicking over"
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"old ladies' British chimney sweep garden gnomes, Greg?"
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"-You sick bitch? -I thought they were a gift!"
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"I know his feet, not his life."
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"Okay, you're in the clear."
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"We cracked this Greg,"
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"but the truth is gonna be hard-boiled."
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"Please don’t make egg puns out of my name. It's hurtful."
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"-(screaming) -ALYSON: Yes! Scream at the world"
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"for its injustices!"
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"And... time."
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"Great screaming. Now, let's try yelling."
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"(groans) Can't we just get to the paint already?"
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"Sorry I had to leave right in the middle of that-- the button"
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"on my pants popped off while we were rolling around,"
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"and now they keep sliding down."
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"I'm not trying to be sexy or anything."
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"There are belted pads in the girls' bathroom"
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"that might help hold 'em up. I can grab you one."
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"Belted pads? Didn't we burn those"
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"with the bras in the '70s?"
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"-What's a belted pad? -It's the only kind"
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"of sanitary product in the bathroom dispensers."
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"Picture a twin mattress attached to a jockstrap."
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"You know those swing rides at the amusement park?"
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"Now imagine getting off the ride and still wearing that swing"
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"-for the rest of the day. -I asked Principal Gibbons"
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"if we could get regular pads and tampons,"
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"but he said there wasn't room in the budget."
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"This is an outrage. Everyone, up."
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"Join hands! I'm feeling a surge of inspiration!"
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"Up-to-date menstrual products are a basic necessity,"
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"and how better to demand them"
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"than with a gigantic wall painting?"
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"I can already see it."
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"We'll paint a giant, angry woman."
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"Uh, actually, I already planned that it would be a cube,"
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"or fingers, so..."
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"Oh, you're right, it's too safe."
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"It should be giant, angry vagina."
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"-Ooh! And what about a huge, red river? -Oh, uh..."
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"Yes, Kima! With boats! Filled with women!"
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"-Uh... -And animals? Like Noah's Ark?"
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"-JUDY: Uh... -No."
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"-Noah's Arkette! -I love this."
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"Stop! Stop it! Stop!"
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"I mean, I love the idea, I do."
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"I just, we can just do it as our next mural"
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"after we finish one of the ones I've been dreaming of."
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"Ham, what do you think?"
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"I think when women's issues are on the table,"
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"it's time for men to sit quietly down at that table and listen."
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"You taught me that, Judy."
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"Ugh! I totally agree that we need updated products, but..."
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"this mural is a debut of who I--"
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"I mean we-- are as artists. You know?"
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"Judy, I agree."
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"We got to go bigger."
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"Maybe all the animals get their own, little vaginas. Cute!"
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"GIBBONS: Hey, Judy."
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