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Clips from Benson - The Army Wants You (S01E01)

Short Films 1979 Season 1, Episode 23 521 clips
Short Drama
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
"(BIRDS CHIRPING)"
Benson
Hold it.
"Hold it."
Benson
Do you work here?
"Do you work here?"
Benson
Unless you know something I don't know.
"Unless you know something I don't know."
Benson
Why?
"Why?"
Benson
Because I can't wait any longer.
"Because I can't wait any longer."
Benson
Ah. Down the hall.
"Ah. Down the hall."
Benson
You misunderstood. The time is now.
"You misunderstood. The time is now."
Benson
The world needs what I have in the palm of my hand.
"The world needs what I have in the palm of my hand."
Benson
This is the car of the '80s.
"This is the car of the '80s."
Benson
Kind of cramped for long trips, isn't it?
"Kind of cramped for long trips, isn't it?"
Benson
It's the scale model. Uh-huh.
"It's the scale model. Uh-huh."
Benson
Got the real car at home.
"Got the real car at home."
Benson
Just think of it, a car that requires absolutely no fuel.
"Just think of it, a car that requires absolutely no fuel."
Benson
Hmm!
"Hmm!"
Benson
You simply
"You simply"
Benson
wind it up.
"wind it up."
Benson
You got a one-ton wind-up car at home?
"You got a one-ton wind-up car at home?"
Benson
Fully equipped.
"Fully equipped."
Benson
Radio, heater, white-walls.
"Radio, heater, white-walls."
Benson
Of course the size of the key
"Of course the size of the key"
Benson
is a big problem.
"is a big problem."
Benson
Not if you got big pockets.
"Not if you got big pockets."
Benson
You know, nobody else appreciates what I've accomplished here.
"You know, nobody else appreciates what I've accomplished here."
Benson
No.
"No."
Benson
Even my friends say I'm crazy.
"Even my friends say I'm crazy."
Benson
What are friends for?
"What are friends for?"
Benson
Mr. Harmon, I thought you'd left.
"Mr. Harmon, I thought you'd left."
Benson
I decided to come back and give the Governor another chance.
"I decided to come back and give the Governor another chance."
Benson
I'm sorry, Mr. Harmon,
"I'm sorry, Mr. Harmon,"
Benson
the Governor doesn't have any more available time.
"the Governor doesn't have any more available time."
Benson
(COUGHING) Oh. Well, that's really too bad,
"(COUGHING) Oh. Well, that's really too bad,"
Benson
because the Governor is really missing the boat...
"because the Governor is really missing the boat..."
Benson
Boat?
"Boat?"
Benson
Of course!
"Of course!"
Benson
Boat!
"Boat!"
Benson
Boy, did he spring a leak!
"Boy, did he spring a leak!"
Benson
How are you feeling, Marcy?
"How are you feeling, Marcy?"
Benson
Oh, the way I always do when I have the flu.
"Oh, the way I always do when I have the flu."
Benson
My throat's sore, my whole body aches,
"My throat's sore, my whole body aches,"
Benson
my head is throbbing and I can't breathe.
"my head is throbbing and I can't breathe."
Benson
You need relief fast, fast, fast, fast, fast...
"You need relief fast, fast, fast, fast, fast..."
Benson
Knock it off.
"Knock it off."
Benson
I must look awful, too.
"I must look awful, too."
Benson
Yeah, you do.
"Yeah, you do."
Benson
Well, that's a crummy thing to say.
"Well, that's a crummy thing to say."
Benson
Oh, well, I'm sorry. You look much better.
"Oh, well, I'm sorry. You look much better."
Benson
Well, I don't know how, I feel terrible.
"Well, I don't know how, I feel terrible."
Benson
You don't know how lucky you are, Benson.
"You don't know how lucky you are, Benson."
Benson
You're the only one of us who didn't catch this bug.
"You're the only one of us who didn't catch this bug."
Benson
Yeah, I get to do twice as much work.
"Yeah, I get to do twice as much work."
Benson
This is for you.
"This is for you."
Benson
Why, it's from the Army.
"Why, it's from the Army."
Benson
Benson, this is official business!
"Benson, this is official business!"
Benson
Could you let me see it, Marcy? I'll give it right back.
"Could you let me see it, Marcy? I'll give it right back."
Benson
(COUGHING)
"(COUGHING)"
Benson
If this is "Greetings,"
"If this is "Greetings,""
Benson
the country is in bigger trouble than I thought it was.
"the country is in bigger trouble than I thought it was."
Benson
(EXCLAIMS)
"(EXCLAIMS)"
Benson
That's it? Hmm?
"That's it? Hmm?"
Benson
Marcy, for crying out loud.
"Marcy, for crying out loud."
Benson
"You are hereby instructed to report
""You are hereby instructed to report"
Benson
"to headquarters, Fort Kincaid,
""to headquarters, Fort Kincaid,"
Benson
"for an immediate evaluation of your case."
""for an immediate evaluation of your case.""
Benson
(EXCLAIMS) Hmm.
"(EXCLAIMS) Hmm."
Benson
Told you.
"Told you."
Benson
What do they mean by case?
"What do they mean by case?"
Benson
Well, maybe they forgot to give me the medal.
"Well, maybe they forgot to give me the medal."
Benson
What case, Benson?
"What case, Benson?"
Benson
Were you court-martialed or something?
"Were you court-martialed or something?"
Benson
No, but I made private three times.
"No, but I made private three times."
Benson
Benson, what do you suppose they want?
"Benson, what do you suppose they want?"
Benson
I don't know, unless they're still looking for that jeep.
"I don't know, unless they're still looking for that jeep."
Benson
(SNEEZING LOUDLY)
"(SNEEZING LOUDLY)"
Benson
Governor, here are those requisitions you asked for.
"Governor, here are those requisitions you asked for."
Benson
Thank you, Benson.
"Thank you, Benson."
Benson
(SNEEZING LOUDLY)
"(SNEEZING LOUDLY)"
Benson
Do you have to keep doing that?
"Do you have to keep doing that?"
Benson
Well, sir, I have the flu.
"Well, sir, I have the flu."
Benson
I know. You gave it to me.
"I know. You gave it to me."
Benson
(GRUNTING LOUDLY)
"(GRUNTING LOUDLY)"
Benson
Clears my ears.
"Clears my ears."
Benson
Governor, these medicine bottles are full.
"Governor, these medicine bottles are full."
Benson
Well, I should hope so, from what the pharmacy charged me.
"Well, I should hope so, from what the pharmacy charged me."
Benson
No, I mean you haven't taken any of it.
"No, I mean you haven't taken any of it."
Benson
Benson, I can't stand the taste of that stuff. I'm not gonna take it!
"Benson, I can't stand the taste of that stuff. I'm not gonna take it!"
Benson
Hey, I didn't invent it, I didn't prescribe it,
"Hey, I didn't invent it, I didn't prescribe it,"
Benson
and I'm not your mother.
"and I'm not your mother."
Benson
So if you don't want to get better, don't take it.
"So if you don't want to get better, don't take it."
Benson
My mother should've put it that way.
"My mother should've put it that way."
Benson
(EXCLAIMING)
"(EXCLAIMING)"
Benson
What is it, Marcy?
"What is it, Marcy?"
Benson
Well, put it on the desk!
"Well, put it on the desk!"
Benson
(COUGHING)
"(COUGHING)"
Benson
(EXCLAIMING)
"(EXCLAIMING)"
Benson
Have you talked to the Governor about your letter?
"Have you talked to the Governor about your letter?"
Benson
No. I'll handle it.
"No. I'll handle it."
Benson
What letter? Oh, it's nothing, sir.
"What letter? Oh, it's nothing, sir."
Benson
It's not nothing.
"It's not nothing."
Benson
How can you say it's nothing?
"How can you say it's nothing?"
Benson
Sir, Benson has orders to report to the Army.
"Sir, Benson has orders to report to the Army."
Benson
(LAUGHING)
"(LAUGHING)"
Benson
Really?
"Really?"
Benson
He has what?
"He has what?"
Benson
Well, never mind, sir.
"Well, never mind, sir."
Benson
Well, I guess they just can't do without you.
"Well, I guess they just can't do without you."
Benson
It has something to do with his case.
"It has something to do with his case."
Benson
What case? Was he arrested?
"What case? Was he arrested?"
Benson
Governor, whatever it is, it's between me and the Army.
"Governor, whatever it is, it's between me and the Army."
Benson
Sounds to me like it's something
"Sounds to me like it's something"
Benson
between Benson and the Army, Marcy.
"between Benson and the Army, Marcy."
Benson
I can't interfere in anything like that.
"I can't interfere in anything like that."
Benson
I'm not asking you to.
"I'm not asking you to."
Benson
Benson, we're barely able to stay on our feet for state business
"Benson, we're barely able to stay on our feet for state business"
Benson
and you want us to get involved in your personal problems?
"and you want us to get involved in your personal problems?"
Benson
No. I'll go down there tomorrow
"No. I'll go down there tomorrow"
Benson
and take care of it myself.
"and take care of it myself."
Benson
I hope you can understand my position, Benson,
"I hope you can understand my position, Benson,"
Benson
but no way!
"but no way!"
Benson
To tell you the truth, I'm a little surprised
"To tell you the truth, I'm a little surprised"
Benson