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Clips from Cheers - They Called Me Mayday (S02E02)

WHAT DID YOU THINK?

"WHAT DID YOU THINK?"

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WELL, I, UH, I THOUGHT THE WRITING WAS COMPETENT,

"WELL, I, UH, I THOUGHT THE WRITING WAS COMPETENT,"

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A LITTLE UNDISCIPLINED IN PLACES,

"A LITTLE UNDISCIPLINED IN PLACES,"

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BUT, STILL, IT HAS A CERTAIN ENERGY TO IT.

"BUT, STILL, IT HAS A CERTAIN ENERGY TO IT."

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OH!

"OH!"

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THANK YOU.

"THANK YOU."

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I TAKE IT YOU'RE SAM'S CO-AUTHOR--

"I TAKE IT YOU'RE SAM'S CO-AUTHOR--"

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MISS, UH, JESSICA SIMPSON-BOURGET.

"MISS, UH, JESSICA SIMPSON-BOURGET."

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DIANE CHAMBERS.

"DIANE CHAMBERS."

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I WAS ONLY HIDING BEHIND THAT NOM DE PLUME

"I WAS ONLY HIDING BEHIND THAT NOM DE PLUME"

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UNTIL I MADE SURE THAT YOU LIKED IT.

"UNTIL I MADE SURE THAT YOU LIKED IT."

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I DID JUST FIND THAT OUT, DIDN'T I?

"I DID JUST FIND THAT OUT, DIDN'T I?"

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HOW CAN I PUT THIS, JESSICA? IT, UH...

"HOW CAN I PUT THIS, JESSICA? IT, UH..."

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YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

"YOU DON'T LIKE IT?"

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WELL, I LIKED IT.

"WELL, I LIKED IT."

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IT, UH, SHOWS A GREAT DEAL OF PROMISE.

"IT, UH, SHOWS A GREAT DEAL OF PROMISE."

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BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOUR PUBLISHER.

"BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOUR PUBLISHER."

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WELL, I'M AFRAID NOT.

"WELL, I'M AFRAID NOT."

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HOW COME?

"HOW COME?"

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WELL, I SOUNDED HIM OUT ABOUT IT,

"WELL, I SOUNDED HIM OUT ABOUT IT,"

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BUT HE FEELS IT'S A LITTLE TAME,

"BUT HE FEELS IT'S A LITTLE TAME,"

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NOT CONTROVERSIAL ENOUGH.

"NOT CONTROVERSIAL ENOUGH."

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WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE BOOZE PROBLEM?

"WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE BOOZE PROBLEM?"

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WELL, I GUESS BOOZE ISN'T ENOUGH THESE DAYS.

"WELL, I GUESS BOOZE ISN'T ENOUGH THESE DAYS."

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MAYBE 10 YEARS AGO.

"MAYBE 10 YEARS AGO."

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BUT NOWADAYS, THEY'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE SPICY--

"BUT NOWADAYS, THEY'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE SPICY--"

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DRUGS, HOMOSEXUALITY, A LITTLE PERVERSION.

"DRUGS, HOMOSEXUALITY, A LITTLE PERVERSION."

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WELL, I'M SORRY I DIDN'T GET OUT MORE.

"WELL, I'M SORRY I DIDN'T GET OUT MORE."

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YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH, THERE IS AN INFERENCE HERE

"YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH, THERE IS AN INFERENCE HERE"

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THAT YOU WERE A BIT OF A PLAYBOY DURING YOUR CAREER.

"THAT YOU WERE A BIT OF A PLAYBOY DURING YOUR CAREER."

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PLAYBOY? HELL, YES. I--

"PLAYBOY? HELL, YES. I--"

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WELL, KIND OF.

"WELL, KIND OF."

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WELL, AS I SAY, YOU SEEMED TO KIND OF SHY AWAY FROM THAT IN HERE,

"WELL, AS I SAY, YOU SEEMED TO KIND OF SHY AWAY FROM THAT IN HERE,"

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AND, WELL, THE COLD FACT IS SEX SELLS.

"AND, WELL, THE COLD FACT IS SEX SELLS."

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NOW, OF COURSE, MY PUBLISHER WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN IT,

"NOW, OF COURSE, MY PUBLISHER WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN IT,"

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BUT THERE ARE PLENTY WHO WOULD,

"BUT THERE ARE PLENTY WHO WOULD,"

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AND IT MIGHT BE WORTH THE CHANCE.

"AND IT MIGHT BE WORTH THE CHANCE."

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ANYWAY, I'LL SAY GOOD-BYE. I GOT TO RUN ALONG.

"ANYWAY, I'LL SAY GOOD-BYE. I GOT TO RUN ALONG."

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O.K.

"O.K."

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WELL, THANK YOU ANYWAY FOR COMING DOWN HERE, MR. CAVETT.

"WELL, THANK YOU ANYWAY FOR COMING DOWN HERE, MR. CAVETT."

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OH, SURE. SURE.

"OH, SURE. SURE."

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TA-TA, RICHARD.

"TA-TA, RICHARD."

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WELL, UH, HEY.

"WELL, UH, HEY."

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WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET STARTED HERE, HUH?

"WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET STARTED HERE, HUH?"

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STARTED ON WHAT?

"STARTED ON WHAT?"

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WELL, ON WHAT MR. CAVETT WAS TALKING ABOUT HERE,

"WELL, ON WHAT MR. CAVETT WAS TALKING ABOUT HERE,"

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SPICING THIS THING UP A LITTLE.

"SPICING THIS THING UP A LITTLE."

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SAM.

"SAM."

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I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE MY FIRST PUBLISHED MANUSCRIPT

"I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE MY FIRST PUBLISHED MANUSCRIPT"

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BE A MEMOIR FULL OF LURIDITIES.

"BE A MEMOIR FULL OF LURIDITIES."

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NO, SWEETHEART. I THINK WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT WAS--

"NO, SWEETHEART. I THINK WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT WAS--"

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I KNOW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

"I KNOW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT."

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HEY. HEY, COME ON, DIANE.

"HEY. HEY, COME ON, DIANE."

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IF WE GET PUBLISHED,

"IF WE GET PUBLISHED,"

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THIS COULD MEAN A WHOLE NEW LIFE FOR ME.

"THIS COULD MEAN A WHOLE NEW LIFE FOR ME."

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FOR YOU, TOO. HUH?

"FOR YOU, TOO. HUH?"

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WELL...

"WELL..."

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NO, NO. I WOULD NEVER PROSTITUTE MY TALENTS THAT WAY.

"NO, NO. I WOULD NEVER PROSTITUTE MY TALENTS THAT WAY."

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WELL, WOULD JESSICA SIMPSON-BOURGET?

"WELL, WOULD JESSICA SIMPSON-BOURGET?"

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THAT LITTLE SMUT PEDDLER?

"THAT LITTLE SMUT PEDDLER?"

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IN A MINUTE.

"IN A MINUTE."

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I GOT SOME PAPER IN THE OFFICE.

"I GOT SOME PAPER IN THE OFFICE."

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O.K.

"O.K."

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IF THEY WANT STEAM, I'LL GIVE THEM STEAM.

"IF THEY WANT STEAM, I'LL GIVE THEM STEAM."

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WE'LL USE EVERY WEAPON IN MY LITERARY ARSENAL

"WE'LL USE EVERY WEAPON IN MY LITERARY ARSENAL"

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TO MAKE THEIR TONGUES HANG OUT IN UNBRIDLED DESIRE.

"TO MAKE THEIR TONGUES HANG OUT IN UNBRIDLED DESIRE."

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COACH, WE DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED.

"COACH, WE DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED."

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WHO DOES?

"WHO DOES?"

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NORM.

"NORM."

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HE'S HERE.

"HE'S HERE."

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HERE COMES BLACK BART.

"HERE COMES BLACK BART."

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THIS TOWN AIN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF YOU.

"THIS TOWN AIN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF YOU."

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OF COURSE, WHAT TOWN IS?

"OF COURSE, WHAT TOWN IS?"

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YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, MOONGLOW?

"YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, MOONGLOW?"

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GO GET HIM, NORM.

"GO GET HIM, NORM."

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YEAH, I WANTED TO...JUST TALK.

"YEAH, I WANTED TO...JUST TALK."

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TALK'S CHEAP. THROW SOME HANDS.

"TALK'S CHEAP. THROW SOME HANDS."

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HE WANTS YOU TO LEAVE HIS WOMAN ALONE.

"HE WANTS YOU TO LEAVE HIS WOMAN ALONE."

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SO YOU DON'T LIKE ME SEEING VERA, HUH?

"SO YOU DON'T LIKE ME SEEING VERA, HUH?"

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NO! NO!

"NO! NO!"

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I'M NOT, UH, REAL WILD ABOUT IT, FRANKLY.

"I'M NOT, UH, REAL WILD ABOUT IT, FRANKLY."

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THERE'S SOMETHING YOU OUGHT TO KNOW, NORM.

"THERE'S SOMETHING YOU OUGHT TO KNOW, NORM."

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I LIKE VERA A LOT.

"I LIKE VERA A LOT."

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YEAH? HOW DID YOU LIKE THE STATE TROOPER

"YEAH? HOW DID YOU LIKE THE STATE TROOPER"

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WITH THE ICY HANDS?

"WITH THE ICY HANDS?"

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IT HAD ITS MOMENTS.

"IT HAD ITS MOMENTS."

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YOU KNOW, YOU'RE AS BIG A DINK

"YOU KNOW, YOU'RE AS BIG A DINK"

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AS YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL, PETERSON.

"AS YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL, PETERSON."

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REMODEL HIS FACE.

"REMODEL HIS FACE."

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POSITIONS.

"POSITIONS."

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OH, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, BODELL.

"OH, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, BODELL."

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HEY. WAIT.

"HEY. WAIT."

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COME ON, YOU GUYS.

"COME ON, YOU GUYS."

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GET HIM! GET HIM!

"GET HIM! GET HIM!"

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TAKE THIS OUTSIDE, WILL YA?

"TAKE THIS OUTSIDE, WILL YA?"

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BACK OFF, COACH. I'M FIGHTING FOR MY WOMAN.

"BACK OFF, COACH. I'M FIGHTING FOR MY WOMAN."

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YEAH. WINNER GETS VERA.

"YEAH. WINNER GETS VERA."

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GET HIM, NORM!

"GET HIM, NORM!"

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IT'S, UH, NOT EXACTLY FRAZIER-ALI, IS IT?

"IT'S, UH, NOT EXACTLY FRAZIER-ALI, IS IT?"

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GIVE?

"GIVE?"

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NAW. YOU?

"NAW. YOU?"

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NO.

"NO."

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COACH, A GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE.

"COACH, A GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE."

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BOY, CAN I WRITE.

"BOY, CAN I WRITE."

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[GRUNTING]

"[GRUNTING]"

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1, 2, 3.

"1, 2, 3."

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IT'S OVER.

"IT'S OVER."

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I DID IT.

"I DID IT."

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WAY TO GO, NORMIE.

"WAY TO GO, NORMIE."

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NOW, TAKE WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR SELF-RESPECT

"NOW, TAKE WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR SELF-RESPECT"

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AND CLEAR OUT OF HERE.

"AND CLEAR OUT OF HERE."

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ALL RIGHT, MOONGLOW. ALL RIGHT,

"ALL RIGHT, MOONGLOW. ALL RIGHT,"

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YOU BEAT ME, JUST LIKE YOU USED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL.

"YOU BEAT ME, JUST LIKE YOU USED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL."

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WE'RE STILL FRIENDS?

"WE'RE STILL FRIENDS?"

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HEY, DON'T LET A 7 1/2-HOUR HUG

"HEY, DON'T LET A 7 1/2-HOUR HUG"

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GIVE YOU THE WRONG IDEA.

"GIVE YOU THE WRONG IDEA."

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CONGRATULATIONS, NORM. YOU WON VERA.

"CONGRATULATIONS, NORM. YOU WON VERA."

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WHO?

"WHO?"

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OH, YEAH, THAT'S WHO WE WERE FIGHTING FOR.

"OH, YEAH, THAT'S WHO WE WERE FIGHTING FOR."

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I'LL HAVE TO TELL HER ABOUT IT WHEN I SEE HER.

"I'LL HAVE TO TELL HER ABOUT IT WHEN I SEE HER."

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