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Clips from Cheers - 2 Good 2 Be 4 Real (S04E04)

"Divorced female,

""Divorced female,"

Cheers

Warm, witty, and italian In every way except fat."

"Warm, witty, and italian In every way except fat.""

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Sounds good so far.

"Sounds good so far."

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Yeah. "33, 5'1/4", Dark-brown hair,

"Yeah. "33, 5'1/4", Dark-brown hair,"

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"Brown eyes, no visible scars, Tattoos or birthmarks,

""Brown eyes, no visible scars, Tattoos or birthmarks,"

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"Seeking possible Serious relationship.

""Seeking possible Serious relationship."

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Note: i have 6 children. This is not a misprint. 6."

"Note: i have 6 children. This is not a misprint. 6.""

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Oh, my, i can't believe. Not one guy has answered this?

"Oh, my, i can't believe. Not one guy has answered this?"

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Carla, my dear,

"Carla, my dear,"

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You're forgetting the basic Principle of advertising--

"You're forgetting the basic Principle of advertising--"

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Lying.

"Lying."

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Oh, sure, i can tell 'em I got no kids, right?

"Oh, sure, i can tell 'em I got no kids, right?"

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I could tell 'em That i'm 21, 5'9",

"I could tell 'em That i'm 21, 5'9","

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Gorgeous green eyes, Flaming red hair,

"Gorgeous green eyes, Flaming red hair,"

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And ta-tas till tuesday.

"And ta-tas till tuesday."

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How am i gonna explain The way i really look When he sees me?

"How am i gonna explain The way i really look When he sees me?"

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Stress?

"Stress?"

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All right, next time I spill my guts,

"All right, next time I spill my guts,"

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Remind me to do it In front of friends.

"Remind me to do it In front of friends."

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I was just trying To cheer you up.

"I was just trying To cheer you up."

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I am in no mood To be cheered up.

"I am in no mood To be cheered up."

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Next guy tries to Cheer me up is gonna Get open-face surgery.

"Next guy tries to Cheer me up is gonna Get open-face surgery."

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[Whistles]

"[Whistles]"

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I don't get it. She's got ta-tas Till monday afternoon at least.

"I don't get it. She's got ta-tas Till monday afternoon at least."

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Boy, she's really bad off. We gotta think here now.

"Boy, she's really bad off. We gotta think here now."

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Come on, put ourselves In her place.

"Come on, put ourselves In her place."

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What would i do If i couldn't get a date?

"What would i do If i couldn't get a date?"

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Who am i kidding?

"Who am i kidding?"

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Why don't one of us Write her?

"Why don't one of us Write her?"

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Yeah, you wanna Date her?

"Yeah, you wanna Date her?"

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No, no, no. No, i think He means why don't we Make up a guy?

"No, no, no. No, i think He means why don't we Make up a guy?"

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I don't know, man. Make up a guy?

"I don't know, man. Make up a guy?"

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Too risky, too risky.

"Too risky, too risky."

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Yeah, she'd suspect something The minute she met him.

"Yeah, she'd suspect something The minute she met him."

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No, no, we wouldn't have To let it go that far.

"No, no, we wouldn't have To let it go that far."

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In the meantime, We're giving her hope, A little confidence...

"In the meantime, We're giving her hope, A little confidence..."

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The more confident she is, The more attractive she'll feel.

"The more confident she is, The more attractive she'll feel."

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Make her more attractive To some real guy

"Make her more attractive To some real guy"

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Or something like that.

"Or something like that."

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Sounds good.

"Sounds good."

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All right, i'm in.

"All right, i'm in."

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We're in. All for one And one for all, right?

"We're in. All for one And one for all, right?"

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Gee, mr. Clavin, your hands Are soft like a girl's.

"Gee, mr. Clavin, your hands Are soft like a girl's."

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My feet have got calluses On 'em just like every Other part of my body.

"My feet have got calluses On 'em just like every Other part of my body."

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Woody, get me Some paper there.

"Woody, get me Some paper there."

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Hey, carla's gonna love this, Don't you think?

"Hey, carla's gonna love this, Don't you think?"

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I hope she realizes What great friends she has here.

"I hope she realizes What great friends she has here."

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She will. And if She doesn't,

"She will. And if She doesn't,"

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What do you say We have this guy Dump all over her?

"What do you say We have this guy Dump all over her?"

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Good idea.

"Good idea."

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We don't have anything With lines.

"We don't have anything With lines."

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That's ok. I'll be careful.

"That's ok. I'll be careful."

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Ok, before we start Writing,

"Ok, before we start Writing,"

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I suggest we Just figure out who Exactly this guy is.

"I suggest we Just figure out who Exactly this guy is."

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Hey, we're making him up. He can Be anybody we want him to be--

"Hey, we're making him up. He can Be anybody we want him to be--"

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Doctor, ski instructor.

"Doctor, ski instructor."

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No, that's the point. If the guy's too fabulous,

"No, that's the point. If the guy's too fabulous,"

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She'll be onto us In a second.

"She'll be onto us In a second."

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All right. It's gotta Be somebody who's not In her league usually.

"All right. It's gotta Be somebody who's not In her league usually."

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We can make him a postman.

"We can make him a postman."

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Nah, nah, too much.

"Nah, nah, too much."

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You guys, We're sunk already.

"You guys, We're sunk already."

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She asked For a picture.

"She asked For a picture."

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No, wait a second. We're back afloat here.

"No, wait a second. We're back afloat here."

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Check this out. How's this For your basic stud?

"Check this out. How's this For your basic stud?"

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Oh, yeah, he's great. Who is he?

"Oh, yeah, he's great. Who is he?"

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No idea. Just came With the wallet.

"No idea. Just came With the wallet."

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Hey, look at this. Letter for carla tortelli.

"Hey, look at this. Letter for carla tortelli."

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What?

"What?"

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My goodness.

"My goodness."

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Let me see. Come on, come on.

"Let me see. Come on, come on."

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What's the magic word?

"What's the magic word?"

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Gelding.

"Gelding."

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That's the one. Yeah.

"That's the one. Yeah."

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What is it, carla?

"What is it, carla?"

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Someone or thing had the nerve To answer my ad.

"Someone or thing had the nerve To answer my ad."

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Ok, everybody gather round For a good laugh.

"Ok, everybody gather round For a good laugh."

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"My dearest carla...

""My dearest carla..."

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I was intrigued By your warm, honest ad."

"I was intrigued By your warm, honest ad.""

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"I'll be candid as well.

""I'll be candid as well."

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I was married myself, But, sadly, it failed."

"I was married myself, But, sadly, it failed.""

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Waah-waah.

"Waah-waah."

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"I'm not much for bars." Hmm. "Or the single scene.

""I'm not much for bars." Hmm. "Or the single scene."

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"I prefer a quiet night, A warm fire,

""I prefer a quiet night, A warm fire,"

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And pleasant company."

"And pleasant company.""

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Very sensitive.

"Very sensitive."

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Hmm..."I'd love to meet you Soon, but, unfortunately,

"Hmm..."I'd love to meet you Soon, but, unfortunately,"

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"My job as an international Airline pilot

""My job as an international Airline pilot"

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Keeps me real busy flying places Most people only dream about."

"Keeps me real busy flying places Most people only dream about.""

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Whoo.

"Whoo."

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Talking adventuresome.

"Talking adventuresome."

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"For the moment, then,

""For the moment, then,"

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We'll have to depend on The u.S. Postal service."

"We'll have to depend on The u.S. Postal service.""

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No trouble there.

"No trouble there."

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"Sincerely, mitch wainwright.

""Sincerely, mitch wainwright."

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P.S. I love kids."

"P.S. I love kids.""

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Oh, no, you're kidding me.

"Oh, no, you're kidding me."

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Boy, whoo, you really hit The mother lode there, Didn't you?

"Boy, whoo, you really hit The mother lode there, Didn't you?"

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Ahh, i don't know.

"Ahh, i don't know."

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What do you mean You don't know?

"What do you mean You don't know?"

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What do you want?

"What do you want?"

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Well, i guess he does sound Kind of...Great.

"Well, i guess he does sound Kind of...Great."

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You bet he does.

"You bet he does."

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Carla, you have No way of knowing

"Carla, you have No way of knowing"

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If this man is telling The truth about himself.

"If this man is telling The truth about himself."

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Don't you think I thought of that?

"Don't you think I thought of that?"

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But if this guy is only Half as good as he sounds,

"But if this guy is only Half as good as he sounds,"

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He's twice as good as any Of the dirtbags i've ever dated.

"He's twice as good as any Of the dirtbags i've ever dated."

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Just wish he sent a picture.

"Just wish he sent a picture."

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He did.

"He did."

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What? He probably did.

"What? He probably did."

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He usually--check in The envelope there.

"He usually--check in The envelope there."

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There is a picture.

"There is a picture."

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Oh, yeah?

"Oh, yeah?"

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[Squeals] come to mama.

"[Squeals] come to mama."

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Look at that guy. Whoo!

"Look at that guy. Whoo!"

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Handsome, yeah.

"Handsome, yeah."

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Good vibes, huh?

"Good vibes, huh?"

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There's something suspicious About this whole situation.

"There's something suspicious About this whole situation."

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No, there's nothing Suspicious here.

"No, there's nothing Suspicious here."

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