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Clips from 10-Year-Old-Tom - Skipping School/Cooking the Books (S01E01)

"You're the most popular president"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"this school's ever had."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I have to say it was a team effort."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Tom did a great job with the budget."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Glad it's working out, you know?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"It's just the way I am. I get things done,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and I deliver the goods."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Sorry to interrupt. We got a disaster on our hands."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That didn't take long."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Nelson, please,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"you're not part of the student government."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm Tom's fixer."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah, he's my guy. Is there an issue?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Gelato guy says his check bounced."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, no. - Hector's on his way."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Hector? - Yeah, he's coming to see"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"the budget. He think you lied, Tom."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- How could I lie? It's all in the document."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah, he prepared this big, thick document."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Did you even read that document?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, no, what have I done?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Fantasy football stats? - Oh, no, don't read it."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This is a job application? - Stop reading that."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Don't--don't look at that."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Leasing offers for a Dodge Durango?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"He just glued stuff together."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's literally a leasing quote?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This whole thing is gibberish, Tom."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- There are clearly some typos. - Tom, you're a great friend,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"but I'm throwing you to the wolves now."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Your dad's the one who printed it, so..."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I don't know who you're talking about."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"My dad's a chiropractor, and I was never here."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What is going on here?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"The whole administration"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"is betraying their beloved treasurer."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Okay, listen, this looks really bad for both of us."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"There's only one thing we can do."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Be honest like my mom says, right?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- No, not at all. You go on a shredding rampage."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh. - Nelson, go distract Hector"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and buy us some time. - I'm on it."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, start shredding."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Just shred, shred, shred, shred."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- We should lower our voices if nothing else, right?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"If you're gonna shred,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"you don't scream, "Shred, shred.""
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What? Are you trying to just be right on something?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Shred, shred, shred!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Imagine what a maniac looks like when he shreds,"
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"and then do that."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[percussive music]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yo, Hector, could I ask you a question?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm in a hurry. What?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I was thinking,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"there's not a lot of famous Hectors, are there?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What? What are you talking about?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"There's Hector Ballesteros,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"you know, the Colombian weightlifter."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Nah, that don't count. Famous weightlifter?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah, he's a big deal."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Hector Crawford, the Australian radio producer."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- There's no such thing. - Trust me, there are more."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I just don't have time for this right now."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Wait, whoa, Hector, come back, there's a call."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"There's a call for you on my phone."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I think it's an emergency."
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"Hector, they need you!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You know what, Tom? I'm proud of you."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I mean, this is a great life lesson in integrity."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Integrity? I feel like we're covering up a lie, no?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Stop. I love that your head's"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"always spinning with ideas but no."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"When something is shredded, right? You're following me?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah. - It's like it never existed."
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"- What does that mean? I don't--"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Abraham Lincoln said,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
""Shredding isn't lying. It's the absence of the truth.""
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I can't imagine Abe Lincoln had a shredder."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Somebody said it. - Ah-ha!"
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"The jig is up, Tom."
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"I know you cooked the books,"
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"and I wanna see this budget."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Do you see a budget? I don't see a budget."
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"- Wait a minute. Are you shredding evidence?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I don't think there was a budget."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I don't know if a budget even existed."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Who's to say? - Wait a minute."
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"Isn't this the budget right here?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Wait, what? - "Student council budget.""
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"- Oh, no, don't touch that. - Tom, please!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"What have you just been shredding this whole time?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I was just shredding everything"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"in the filing cabinets. - Oh, my God!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Tom, you shredded the students' master files!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You've really gotta do something about your voice."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"It sounds too high. - This is a disaster!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Are those important? - Yes, they're important."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Now every student has to repeat fifth grade,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and you know what? I want you to tell them."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Okay, I'll write a speech that'll knock your dick off."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Woah. - Forget--forget I said it."
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"That was inappropriate."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'll just prepare some remarks. How's that?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Hey guys, it's Tom, your beloved treasurer,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"here with another speech."
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"Listen, it sounds like due to a shredding mishap"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"we're just gonna start fifth grade over"
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"so should be a fun year."
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"By the way, am I still treasurer"
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"in this scenario or no?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- No, Tom, you're not treasurer."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You're gonna resign. - All right, this is--"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I guess this is also my resignation speech."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"So getting a lot done."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- ♪ Remember there's more road ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"♪ And places to go ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"♪ And patterns to contemplate, more people to fornicate ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"♪ And remember there's a lot of good omens supplying ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"♪ The proof that our life is the best joke ever told ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
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