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Clips from Mr. Show with Bob and David - The Cry of a Hungry Baby (S01E01)

"[woman speaking indistinctly over PA]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"[chuckles] What?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- The jig is up, Mike. - And what jig would that be?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"The meat jig."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"You've got to quit with the beef"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- and the fatty foods. - [sighing]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Your triglycerides are off the charts."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Oh, but I love meat. Oh, can I still have those..."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"No! No turkey, no kosher, no meat."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"How about pepperoni pizza? [chuckles]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"This isn't funny, Mike."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"I'm not joking and this ain't no show, mister."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"I'll see you in a year..."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"hopefully."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"I'll do my best."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"[narrator] In the year 1998, two men, one named Bob, the other David,"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"finally finished the run of a little-known comedy program"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"and immediately climbed into this real time travel machine."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"They set the clock for the year 2015."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"The machine has arrived at the chosen moment"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"and they will now see what their future holds."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"[dramatic music playing]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"[audience cheering]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Here we are. The year 2015."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"It worked! The time machine is real!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Hey, they finally made it!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Paul F. Tompkins! John Ennis!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Jill! Brian! Jay! You guys are all still hanging around."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"[laughing] God, Bob, they're so old!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Oh, my God, you guys... you've seriously aged."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Yeah, uh, well, look at yourselves. It's disgusting."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Yeah. You guys are older than us."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"We can't be older because we traveled in this time machine."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Uh, we watched you get in that and that was 16 years ago."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Yeah, dude, it just sat there for 16 years."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Jesus, what's that smell?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- Oh, uh... - Brian, you don't wanna go in..."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- Yeah, that... - [Jill] Ugh!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"[retching]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Oh, my God! Did you guys shit in there for 16 years?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"But, wait, we did travel in time, right?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"I mean, you got in that machine 16 years ago"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"and then 16 years passed, so... [chuckles]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"No, it's a real time travel machine. That's what the doctor said."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Yeah, Dr. Gilly Fartsworth! He was a real doctor."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Maybe what the doctor meant was it was a real-time travel machine."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"[Jay] Oh, right, there we go."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"So, I mean, you did travel through time, but just in real-time."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"So, it's, uh... it's a box."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"That you shit in."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Well, yeah, if you get the deluxe model."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Oh, you guys got ripped off."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"David... there's one thing we gotta do."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- Take a sh... Right? No? - No."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"We gotta go back in time 16 years"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"and get our money back from Dr. Gilly Fartsworth!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Whoa, here we are! But is it 16 years ago?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"[chuckling] Whoa, Bob, you look really old."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Well, David, you look really fake-old."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"David! Bob! You made it! You traveled back and forth in time!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Uh, dude, you sold us a toilet."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"You just got inside the real time travel machine a few seconds ago."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"David, he's got a point."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"We did just travel back in time just now."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- Kind of amazing. - All right! So I did it!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"No, you would've done it if we traveled through time"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"without aging the exact amount of time we traveled."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Well, it can do that."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Come on, let me show. Can I show you?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"See, that's your control panel,"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"so you can pick which date you want to go to."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"You guys have it set to real-time. That's option one."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Or you can hit this button here, take that hyphen right out of there."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Now you've got a real time travel machine."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"And you can travel through time in nanoseconds!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- That's it? - That's it. It's the de-hyphenator."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"It's really the most impressive part of the machine."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"So, now when we travel through time, we won't age anymore?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"No! Uh, well, a few minutes or you can hit this button right here."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"That activates the age-decreaser."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"But I don't know if you'd want anything like that."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Of course we want something like that!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Age-decreaser? Yes! Why didn't you tell us?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- [Bob] Everyone needs one of those. - Okay, okay!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Wow, we did it! We're back in the present."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"David? Oh, come on!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Just give me a minute, Bob. I had the lamb jaffir for lunch."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Oh! That's a good one. [chuckles] I'll use that."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- Because you guys bailed on yourselves... - Hey, Drew, you in this hand?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- Yeah. - [Drew] Yeah, hang on. [grunting]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Geez! Your toilet smells like a time machine!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"[all laughing]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- [Mike] Such a good book. - [Kyle] That is ripe!"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Okay. Seven card Chicago, tens are wild, follow the twos."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- Yeah, I am in! All right! - I'm feeling good."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Uh, here's a question. Did anybody make a New Year's resolution this year?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- Oh, come on, man! - [Mike] Maybe."
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Follow up question... uh, has anybody kept them?"
Mr. Show with Bob and David
"- [laughing] - [scornful responses]"
Mr. Show with Bob and David