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Clips from Click

"- Need another massage or anything? - Oh, go away."
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"I gotta go work."
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"Hey, Morty. It's Michael Newman."
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"Yeah, can I talk to you for a minute?"
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"Hang on for a second, someone's at my door."
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"- Hello, Michael. - Where'd you come from?"
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"You don't wanna know."
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"- Can we take a walk? - Sure."
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"It's simple. You must have been on autopilot."
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"Autopilot?"
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"That's what happens to you when you fast-forward."
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"- Okay. - Yeah. I'll show you."
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"Here."
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"See? That's you on autopilot."
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"The lights are on but nobody's home."
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"The remote lets your mind skip around..."
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"...but your body actually stays put for the boring stuff."
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"We should go to lunch tomorrow and pick out your dad's birthday gift."
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"Sounds good."
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"So she did tell me."
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"I'm having conversations on autopilot, then."
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"You're not gonna be the life of the party, but yes."
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"Everyone goes on autopilot now and then."
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"The big difference is now you've got a nifty remote..."
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"...to help you decide when."
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"This thing is the best."
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"By the way, your wife? Absolutely gorgeous."
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"- She is, isn't she? - Perfect face. Tight, rocking body."
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"You okay?"
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"- Amazing. - What is?"
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"She fell for a schlub like you."
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"I'm a schlub?"
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"I don't know about that, pal. I see a good-looking man right there."
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"You wanna see what a stud I used to be? Yeah?"
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"All right, let's take a look at some of the girls..."
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"...I used to fool around with before I met Donna."
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"Is that a man or a woman?"
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"It's a woman."
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"What is this, Animal Planet?"
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"- Stop. - Yes."
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"Sometimes it's better to keep certain memories just in your head."
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"So I've learned, Morty."
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"Good night. Thank you."
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"Good night, Michael."
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"I'm getting sick, man. Fast-forward me till I'm better."
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"Michael, honey, wake up. You'll be late for work."
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"What? It's Monday already?"
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"Are you kidding me? No more phlegm?"
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"I skipped an entire cold?"
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"Thanks to you, baby! I love you!"
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"No more Tylenol!"
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"I don't remember doing any work this weekend."
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"But apparently I did."
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"- Bad news. There's no hot water. - What? I gotta take a shower."
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"Well, you're gonna freeze your bun-buns off."
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"It's all good."
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"Yes! Look at me."
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"All showered and dressed and looking sexy."
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"I like that. I-"
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"Did you smoke crack, Daddy?"
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"Just watch your toons and have a great day with Mommy today, okay?"
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"Eating cupcakes like your old man. Right here, baby."
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"- Dad? - Yes, sir?"
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"Are you gonna have to work late again tonight?"
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"- Unfortunately, yes. - Is there anything we can do to help?"
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"Well, I'm gonna be partner soon, and I'm gonna need new building designs."
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"So if you guys have any cool ideas, draw them up for me."
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"- Okay. - Rock 'n' roll."
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"- I get the paper. - I got the crayons."
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"Would you stop talking and fix the sewer?"
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"You're on it now, yeah. Yeah."
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"Traffic, traffic, no more traffic."
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"Wait a sec!"
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"Here we go! Mama!"
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"Yeah! That's what I'm talking about, baby!"
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"You look a little pale there, pal. Let me fix that."
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"Oh, look at you now. You're all yellow from the scurvy."
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"Captain."
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"Don't get the Hulk angry. You won't like him when he's angry."
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"Oh, there's Barney."
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"♪ I love you, you love me ♪"
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"♪ That jogger had giant boobies ♪"
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"Okay. Let's get you that tan you been searching for."
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"That's it. That's it."
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"Check out Julio Iglesias... Pretty."
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"- Looking good, Mr. Newman. - Really? Thank you very much, Judy."
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"- Finish? - Did I finish? I believe I finished."
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"- Let's see here. Look at that. - Very impressive, Michael."
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"Yeah, the river in the lobby. This is actually pretty good, man."
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"Where did you find the time to get a tan?"
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"- I guess I can do it all, sir. - You can do it all."
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"All right, all right, everybody. It's sexual-harassment-speech day."
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"Now, anyone can be a victim of sexual harassment:"
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"Blue collar, white collar, a woman, a man."
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"Even the office slut."
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"Not that I'm mentioning any names..."
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"...Stacy."
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"Here we go. Sexual harassment can come in many forms."
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"You see, what is hilarious to some, could be offensive to others."
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"Let me try to give you a real-life example because I'm sure I've done it."
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"Like the day I said, "You want a promotion, break out the lotion.""
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"I was technically engaged in sexual harassment."
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"Hilarious sexual harassment, if you ask me."
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"Now, there is also homosexual harassment."
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"Now, this is like when one dude comes up to another..."
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"- ...and says something cheeky. - This will be good."
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"Proceed."
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"I don't know about you Americans..."
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"...but to me there is no doubt..."
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"...Ichiro is the greatest of all time."
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"Yeah, he's incredible."
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"You gotta admit, you can always count on Matsui."
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"Oh, Matsui."
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"Well, if you guys love Ichiro and Matsui so much, let's order them both."
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"I'll eat anything."
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"- Excuse us for a moment. - Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita."
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"See you guys in a bit."
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"Ichiro and Matsui are baseball players. You just insulted their national heroes."
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"I'm going to the bathroom to slit my wrists."
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"I'll be here."
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