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Clips from Parks and Recreation - Boys' Club (S01E01)

"And you put it in the pit's web page?"
Parks and Recreation
"- Yeah. - Okay, take this off."
Parks and Recreation
"Okay. I just sent an e-mail to everyone in the government,"
Parks and Recreation
"and I put a link to this page!"
Parks and Recreation
"A young law-breaker. A future Leslie Knope."
Parks and Recreation
"Play it again for us, Jerry."
Parks and Recreation
"You got it."
Parks and Recreation
"Leslie?"
Parks and Recreation
"She's 19 years old."
Parks and Recreation
"I thought I told you not to make this worse."
Parks and Recreation
"And I heard you loud and clear."
Parks and Recreation
"But then you made it worse."
Parks and Recreation
"The disciplinary committee is having a hearing tomorrow,"
Parks and Recreation
"and you're gonna have to testify."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh, no."
Parks and Recreation
"April might get dismissed. You could get fired."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh, no."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh, God."
Parks and Recreation
"This bench is so uncomfortable."
Parks and Recreation
"Ow. Help. Please, Ron. Ron."
Parks and Recreation
"Ron, tell me it's gonna be okay."
Parks and Recreation
"- Tell me it's gonna be okay. - It's gonna..."
Parks and Recreation
"Ron? Where are you?"
Parks and Recreation
"It's... It'll... Hang in."
Parks and Recreation
"- Ron! - Okay. You're okay."
Parks and Recreation
"Good evening."
Parks and Recreation
"I've spoken to you a couple of times about something that happened,"
Parks and Recreation
"but I don't want to..."
Parks and Recreation
"I don't want to talk about it anymore."
Parks and Recreation
"So, the disciplinary committee awaits."
Parks and Recreation
"Feeling good? Feeling strong?"
Parks and Recreation
"Not really. No."
Parks and Recreation
"Do you want me to run some test questions with you?"
Parks and Recreation
"Maybe give you an idea of what the disciplinary committee will be like?"
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, thanks, Tom."
Parks and Recreation
"Okay."
Parks and Recreation
"So, Miss Knope, you're accused of stealing wine."
Parks and Recreation
"How many drinks do you have per week, on average?"
Parks and Recreation
"Zero."
Parks and Recreation
"Zero to six."
Parks and Recreation
"- I'm gonna write down 10. - Yeah."
Parks and Recreation
"Do you ever cheat on your taxes?"
Parks and Recreation
"No, no, no. Never."
Parks and Recreation
"Good. You're doing great."
Parks and Recreation
"How many sexual partners have you had in the last year?"
Parks and Recreation
"Are they gonna ask that?"
Parks and Recreation
"This is a deposition-style hearing, Miss Knope."
Parks and Recreation
"Nothing is off-limits. You have to answer."
Parks and Recreation
"Now, how many sexual partners have you had in the last year?"
Parks and Recreation
"Zero to six. Zero."
Parks and Recreation
"- Have you ever thought about Ron sexually? - What?"
Parks and Recreation
"Including dreams."
Parks and Recreation
"Have you ever had a sexual dream about our boss, Ron Swanson?"
Parks and Recreation
"- No! Absolutely not. No. - Yes."
Parks and Recreation
"- No. - Now, in this recurring dream"
Parks and Recreation
"that you have about Ron, is he like a regular Ron,"
Parks and Recreation
"or is he half-Ron, half-animal, like a centaur?"
Parks and Recreation
"What? No..."
Parks and Recreation
"Is he wearing a football uniform?"
Parks and Recreation
"Are you making love to him on a couch shaped like his mustache?"
Parks and Recreation
"Is he covered in Powerade?"
Parks and Recreation
"No, okay. Time-out. Time-out."
Parks and Recreation
"This committee doesn't take time-outs, Miss Knope."
Parks and Recreation
"Now answer the question!"
Parks and Recreation
"I need something to drink."
Parks and Recreation
"How about some stolen wine?"
Parks and Recreation
"No. I meant water."
Parks and Recreation
"Thank you for your time, Miss Knope. You're fired."
Parks and Recreation
"So, that's kind of your worst-case scenario, you know?"
Parks and Recreation
"If you can handle that, I think you'll be fine."
Parks and Recreation
"Great."
Parks and Recreation
"Ron, thank you for being here with me today."
Parks and Recreation
"I'm your department head. I have to be."
Parks and Recreation
"Nonetheless."
Parks and Recreation
"- Miss Knope? - Yes."
Parks and Recreation
"You're here because you allegedly accepted a gift of over $25"
Parks and Recreation
"and contributed to the delinquency of a minor."
Parks and Recreation
"Can you tell us what happened?"
Parks and Recreation
"I'm gonna take a glass of water first, if I may."
Parks and Recreation
"Certainly."
Parks and Recreation
"Sorry."
Parks and Recreation
""Two days ago,"
Parks and Recreation
""I attended an informal boys' club meeting for the very first time."
Parks and Recreation
""After one and a half beers,"
Parks and Recreation
""awash in the glow of acceptance"
Parks and Recreation
""into this elite, exclusive club...""
Parks and Recreation
"Sorry, what club is this?"
Parks and Recreation
"A couple city planners like to drink beer"
Parks and Recreation
"in the courtyard on Tuesday nights."
Parks and Recreation
"No one is supposed to drink alcohol on government property."
Parks and Recreation
"That's not my department."
Parks and Recreation
"Go ahead, Leslie."
Parks and Recreation
""I made a very unwise decision."
Parks and Recreation
""A decision that will live in infamy."
Parks and Recreation
""I opened a gift basket of wine and cheese."
Parks and Recreation
""Our intern, April Ludgate,"
Parks and Recreation
""drank some of that wine without my knowledge."
Parks and Recreation
""That was never part of the plan."
Parks and Recreation
""She had not been invited to the meeting of the boys' club."
Parks and Recreation
""I repeat, not been invited."
Parks and Recreation
""Though it is my hope that someday, she lives in a world"
Parks and Recreation
""where the very idea of boys' clubs is ancient history.""
Parks and Recreation
"But you did open the gift basket. And the intern did drink the wine."
Parks and Recreation
"Please don't blame her for my mistake."
Parks and Recreation
"The biggest crime we could commit here"
Parks and Recreation
"would be to destroy a teenage girl's passion for local government."
Parks and Recreation
"There's only one more thing I need to clean, me."
Parks and Recreation
"Um, I can't really get into a shower,"
Parks and Recreation
"so I got this idea from my parents."
Parks and Recreation
"This is how they clean their dog."
Parks and Recreation
"Do you like that?"
Parks and Recreation
"Huh?"
Parks and Recreation
"I wrote that for Ann."
Parks and Recreation
"It's gonna be playing when she walks through the door today."
Parks and Recreation
"And check this out. Washed my shorts. How do you like that?"
Parks and Recreation
"Hey. Turn that down."
Parks and Recreation
"No. I wrote that song."
Parks and Recreation
"I don't care. Turn it down."
Parks and Recreation
"What are you doing in my yard, Lawrence? Get out of here."
Parks and Recreation
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