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Clips from Cheers - Sumner's Return (S02E02)

SAMMY, BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

"SAMMY, BELIEVE IT OR NOT,"

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I THINK I HAVE A SIMPLE SOLUTION TO ALL THIS.

"I THINK I HAVE A SIMPLE SOLUTION TO ALL THIS."

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LOOK, HE'S A LITERATURE PROFESSOR, RIGHT?

"LOOK, HE'S A LITERATURE PROFESSOR, RIGHT?"

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YEAH, RIGHT.

"YEAH, RIGHT."

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WAR AND PEACE IS THE GREATEST NOVEL EVER WRITTEN.

"WAR AND PEACE IS THE GREATEST NOVEL EVER WRITTEN."

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YOU READ IT BETWEEN NOW AND SATURDAY,

"YOU READ IT BETWEEN NOW AND SATURDAY,"

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DROP A FEW COMMENTS OVER DINNER,

"DROP A FEW COMMENTS OVER DINNER,"

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YOU'RE OFF TO THE RACES.

"YOU'RE OFF TO THE RACES."

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WAR AND PEACE , THIS IS A GOOD BOOK?

"WAR AND PEACE , THIS IS A GOOD BOOK?"

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OH YEAH. WELL, THEY SAY THE FIRST 800 PAGES

"OH YEAH. WELL, THEY SAY THE FIRST 800 PAGES"

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ARE A LITTLE BIT SLOW,

"ARE A LITTLE BIT SLOW,"

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BUT IT SHOOTS RIGHT OFF--

"BUT IT SHOOTS RIGHT OFF--"

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WAIT A SECOND. WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

"WAIT A SECOND. WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?"

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I'VE GOT FIVE DAYS.

"I'VE GOT FIVE DAYS."

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HOW LONG IS THIS BOOK?

"HOW LONG IS THIS BOOK?"

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WELL, I'VE DELIVERED A FEW FOR THE BOOK CLUBS

"WELL, I'VE DELIVERED A FEW FOR THE BOOK CLUBS"

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AND IT'S ABOUT 3 1/2 POUNDS PAPERBACK.

"AND IT'S ABOUT 3 1/2 POUNDS PAPERBACK."

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FORGET IT, SAM.

"FORGET IT, SAM."

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NOBODY CAN READ FOUR OUNCES A DAY.

"NOBODY CAN READ FOUR OUNCES A DAY."

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NO, LISTEN. IF THIS IS THE BEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN,

"NO, LISTEN. IF THIS IS THE BEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN,"

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THEN I'M GOING TO READ IT.

"THEN I'M GOING TO READ IT."

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MATTER OF FACT, I'LL GO GET IT RIGHT NOW.

"MATTER OF FACT, I'LL GO GET IT RIGHT NOW."

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WHAT WAS THE NAME AGAIN?

"WHAT WAS THE NAME AGAIN?"

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WAR AND PEACE.

"WAR AND PEACE."

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YOU HAVE TO WRITE THAT DOWN?

"YOU HAVE TO WRITE THAT DOWN?"

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AND MISSPELL IT?

"AND MISSPELL IT?"

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THE APARTMENT, SAM, THE APARTMENT.

"THE APARTMENT, SAM, THE APARTMENT."

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[KNOCK ON DOOR]

"[KNOCK ON DOOR]"

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COME IN!

"COME IN!"

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HOW YOU DOING, SAMMY?

"HOW YOU DOING, SAMMY?"

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OH, IT'S YOU GUYS.

"OH, IT'S YOU GUYS."

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I THOUGHT IT WAS DIANE.

"I THOUGHT IT WAS DIANE."

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TURN ON THE LIGHTS, WILL YOU?

"TURN ON THE LIGHTS, WILL YOU?"

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HEY. I NEVER BEEN IN HERE BEFORE.

"HEY. I NEVER BEEN IN HERE BEFORE."

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CLASSY, SAM.

"CLASSY, SAM."

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SAMMY, YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET ONE OF THESE?

"SAMMY, YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET ONE OF THESE?"

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YOU KNOW, MOTHER'S DAY IS COMING UP.

"YOU KNOW, MOTHER'S DAY IS COMING UP."

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WOULD YOU GUYS GIVE ME JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES HERE?

"WOULD YOU GUYS GIVE ME JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES HERE?"

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I ALMOST GOT IT FINISHED.

"I ALMOST GOT IT FINISHED."

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WHAT TIME IS IT?

"WHAT TIME IS IT?"

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HOW MANY BEERS, HAVE I HAD, CLIFF?

"HOW MANY BEERS, HAVE I HAD, CLIFF?"

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11.

"11."

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8:05.

"8:05."

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THEY'RE GOING TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

"THEY'RE GOING TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE."

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OH, GOD!

"OH, GOD!"

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COLD COFFEE!

"COLD COFFEE!"

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DO YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN UP FIVE NIGHTS?

"DO YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN UP FIVE NIGHTS?"

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OUCH!

"OUCH!"

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NO, I FEEL GREAT. I REALLY DO.

"NO, I FEEL GREAT. I REALLY DO."

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WHAT DID I STAND UP FOR?

"WHAT DID I STAND UP FOR?"

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UH...

"UH..."

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TO HIKE UP YOUR SHORTS?

"TO HIKE UP YOUR SHORTS?"

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NO.

"NO."

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HEY, SAM, THE CHEESEHEAD'S HERE.

"HEY, SAM, THE CHEESEHEAD'S HERE."

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THANK YOU, CARLA.

"THANK YOU, CARLA."

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WHERE'S DIANE?

"WHERE'S DIANE?"

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SHE JUST WENT INTO THE LADIES' ROOM

"SHE JUST WENT INTO THE LADIES' ROOM"

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WITH A TUB OF MASCARA AND A PUTTY KNIFE.

"WITH A TUB OF MASCARA AND A PUTTY KNIFE."

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WE'RE OUT OF HERE, SAMMY.

"WE'RE OUT OF HERE, SAMMY."

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NIGHT, SAMMY.

"NIGHT, SAMMY."

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WAIT A SECOND.

"WAIT A SECOND."

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EITHER ONE OF YOU GUYS HAVE TWO TYPE B BATTERIES?

"EITHER ONE OF YOU GUYS HAVE TWO TYPE B BATTERIES?"

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UH, I'VE GOT ONE.

"UH, I'VE GOT ONE."

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NAH.

"NAH."

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SUMNER.

"SUMNER."

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AH, DIANE.

"AH, DIANE."

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WHERE'S BARBARA?

"WHERE'S BARBARA?"

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BARBARA CAN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT. SHE'S ILL.

"BARBARA CAN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT. SHE'S ILL."

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WELL, THEN WE'LL MAKE IT ANOTHER TIME.

"WELL, THEN WE'LL MAKE IT ANOTHER TIME."

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NONSENSE. I WON'T HEAR IT.

"NONSENSE. I WON'T HEAR IT."

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WE'LL BE POORER FOR HER ABSENCE,

"WE'LL BE POORER FOR HER ABSENCE,"

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BUT RICHER WHEN THE CHECK COMES.

"BUT RICHER WHEN THE CHECK COMES."

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BUT THE WHOLE POINT WAS FOR ME TO MEET HER.

"BUT THE WHOLE POINT WAS FOR ME TO MEET HER."

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DIANE, SHE INSISTS THAT HER FRAILTY

"DIANE, SHE INSISTS THAT HER FRAILTY"

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NOT RUIN THE EVENING FOR THE REST OF US.

"NOT RUIN THE EVENING FOR THE REST OF US."

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ISN'T SHE MAGNIFICENT?

"ISN'T SHE MAGNIFICENT?"

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SO I'VE HEARD.

"SO I'VE HEARD."

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SAM, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE FUN TONIGHT,

"SAM, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE FUN TONIGHT,"

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YOU'D BETTER BRING ALONG A YO-YO.

"YOU'D BETTER BRING ALONG A YO-YO."

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GUYS, IT'S IN THE BAG.

"GUYS, IT'S IN THE BAG."

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I FINISHED IT.

"I FINISHED IT."

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SAMMY, SHOES, SHOES.

"SAMMY, SHOES, SHOES."

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THANK YOU.

"THANK YOU."

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THERE HE IS.

"THERE HE IS."

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SAM...

"SAM..."

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YOU DIDN'T SHAVE?

"YOU DIDN'T SHAVE?"

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NO, I NEEDED A NEW PLACE TO SCRATCH.

"NO, I NEEDED A NEW PLACE TO SCRATCH."

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HEY, WHERE'S YOUR OLD LADY?

"HEY, WHERE'S YOUR OLD LADY?"

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OH, BARBARA'S ILL.

"OH, BARBARA'S ILL."

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SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

"SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT."

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BUT, I ASSURE YOU, SHE'LL BE WITH US IN SPIRIT.

"BUT, I ASSURE YOU, SHE'LL BE WITH US IN SPIRIT."

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WE HAVE RESERVATIONS FOR 8:30 AT MARCON ROBAIRE.

"WE HAVE RESERVATIONS FOR 8:30 AT MARCON ROBAIRE."

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OH, WONDERFUL! OH, GOOD!

"OH, WONDERFUL! OH, GOOD!"

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HEY, YOU KNOW, I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS EVENING.

"HEY, YOU KNOW, I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS EVENING."

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I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A LONG TIME

"I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A LONG TIME"

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TO SIT DOWN WITH THIS GUY

"TO SIT DOWN WITH THIS GUY"

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AND TALK A LITTLE WAR AND PEACE .

"AND TALK A LITTLE WAR AND PEACE ."

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WAR AND PEACE?

"WAR AND PEACE?"

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OH, YEAH. GREAT BOOK.

"OH, YEAH. GREAT BOOK."

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CLASSIC.

"CLASSIC."

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PLEASE! I TAUGHT A TOLSTOY SEMINAR FOR SIX YEARS.

"PLEASE! I TAUGHT A TOLSTOY SEMINAR FOR SIX YEARS."

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I VOWED NEVER TO DISCUSS HIM AGAIN.

"I VOWED NEVER TO DISCUSS HIM AGAIN."

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IT IS THE MOST OVER-ANALYZED NOVEL EVER WRITTEN.

"IT IS THE MOST OVER-ANALYZED NOVEL EVER WRITTEN."

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IF YOU WANT TO TALK TOLSTOY,

"IF YOU WANT TO TALK TOLSTOY,"

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I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ANNA KARENINA...

"I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ANNA KARENINA..."

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THANKS.

"THANKS."

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SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING GOOD COOKING UP THERE AT OLD MELVILLE'S TODAY, HUH?

"SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING GOOD COOKING UP THERE AT OLD MELVILLE'S TODAY, HUH?"

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YEAH, I WONDER WHAT IT IS, NORM.

"YEAH, I WONDER WHAT IT IS, NORM."

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THAT WOULD BE CREAM OF WATERCRESS SOUP, COACH...

"THAT WOULD BE CREAM OF WATERCRESS SOUP, COACH..."

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FOLLOWED BY BAKED MUSSELS...

"FOLLOWED BY BAKED MUSSELS..."

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LIGHTLY COATED WITH TARRAGON BUTTER,

"LIGHTLY COATED WITH TARRAGON BUTTER,"

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AND TOPPED OFF BY...

"AND TOPPED OFF BY..."

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A FINE RASPBERRY TORTE.

"A FINE RASPBERRY TORTE."

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YOU KNOW, FINE GOURMET COOKING IS, UH,

"YOU KNOW, FINE GOURMET COOKING IS, UH,"

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TRULY ONE OF THE GREATEST PLEASURES OF LIFE.

"TRULY ONE OF THE GREATEST PLEASURES OF LIFE."

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ABSOLUTELY.

"ABSOLUTELY."

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COACH, WHAT'S THE EXPIRATION DATE ON THESE?

"COACH, WHAT'S THE EXPIRATION DATE ON THESE?"

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YESTERDAY.

"YESTERDAY."

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WE'D BETTER HURRY.

"WE'D BETTER HURRY."

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NON, J'AI DIT, "SI VOUS PARLEZ LENTEMENT,

"NON, J'AI DIT, "SI VOUS PARLEZ LENTEMENT,"

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