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Clips from Better Call Saul - Cobbler (S02E02)

"Dutch Apple Ass."
Better Call Saul
"Guys, am I not speaking English here?"
Better Call Saul
"- What the hell is a squat cobbler? - It's when a man sits in pie."
Better Call Saul
"He sits in a pie and he--"
Better Call Saul
"He wiggles around."
Better Call Saul
"Maybe it's like Hellmann's mayonnaise."
Better Call Saul
"It has a different name west of the Rockies, I don't know."
Better Call Saul
"But technically he does a crybaby squat..."
Better Call Saul
"...so there's tears, which makes it more specialised."
Better Call Saul
"Not all pie-sitters cry, but I'm gonna tell you something."
Better Call Saul
"This guy, he's a regular Julianne Moore once he gets the waterworks cranked up."
Better Call Saul
"Pies?"
Better Call Saul
"- What, like apple? - I'm not the filmmaker here, all right?"
Better Call Saul
"Banana cream, I-- Peach."
Better Call Saul
"Oh, and there is a costume involved."
Better Call Saul
"You got to be shitting us."
Better Call Saul
"Yeah, like I would make this up."
Better Call Saul
"Hey, the world is a rich tapestry, my friends."
Better Call Saul
"But trust me on this..."
Better Call Saul
"...you don't wanna see it."
Better Call Saul
"So, uh, we're good, right?"
Better Call Saul
"Yeah, great."
Better Call Saul
"There is, however, one little, tiny hanging chad."
Better Call Saul
"- What chad? - You're gonna have to make a video."
Better Call Saul
"Wait, wait. So he eats the pies or just sits in them?"
Better Call Saul
"- Both. Whatever you want. - Which comes first?"
Better Call Saul
"Oh. It's dealer's choice."
Better Call Saul
"- That's where the crying comes in, right? - That's a safe bet."
Better Call Saul
"How the hell did you come up with that?"
Better Call Saul
"If you give me a million years, I still would not have come up with that."
Better Call Saul
"The muse. She speaks through me."
Better Call Saul
"I am but a humble vessel."
Better Call Saul
"- And they bought it? - Yeah."
Better Call Saul
"Wow, I've heard some far-out scenarios used to sow doubt..."
Better Call Saul
"- ...but this definitely takes the cake. - Kim. Kim. Kim."
Better Call Saul
"- Takes the pie. - Yeah."
Better Call Saul
"Sorry, I should just jump off the roof right now."
Better Call Saul
"Yeah, you should feel bad about yourself."
Better Call Saul
"Jesus, can you tell a story."
Better Call Saul
"Well, to be fair..."
Better Call Saul
"...I think it was the video that clinched it."
Better Call Saul
"What video?"
Better Call Saul
"Wait. Wait, you actually made a video?"
Better Call Saul
"I gotta say, in the end, old Dan really committed."
Better Call Saul
"I believed the tears."
Better Call Saul
"Oh. This is a leftover prop, it was extra."
Better Call Saul
"I wasn't sure how many takes we would need so I overbought."
Better Call Saul
"But I promise you, untouched by human buttocks."
Better Call Saul
"- You fabricated evidence? - I made a video. Not exactly evidence."
Better Call Saul
"You used it to exonerate a client."
Better Call Saul
"You used falsified evidence to exonerate a client."
Better Call Saul
"- I think you're splitting hairs. - I'm not splitting hairs."
Better Call Saul
"What if Davis & Main find out you faked evidence?"
Better Call Saul
"It wasn't a Davis & Main client."
Better Call Saul
"It was some nothing little pro bono thing."
Better Call Saul
"- It was off the clock, totally my own thing. - Why?"
Better Call Saul
"Why would you risk the best job you've ever had..."
Better Call Saul
"...for some pro bono case?"
Better Call Saul
"I was doing a favour for a friend."
Better Call Saul
"Risking disbarment? That's-- That's some friend."
Better Call Saul
"It's fine, it worked out."
Better Call Saul
"- Davis & Main are none the wiser. - Jimmy, you're playing with fire here."
Better Call Saul
"I didn't see you complaining..."
Better Call Saul
"...when Ken the douchebag paid our bar bill the other night."
Better Call Saul
"That was a little bit of rule-breaking right there..."
Better Call Saul
"...and if I remember correctly, you liked it, a lot."
Better Call Saul
"- That is so not the same thing. - How? What's the difference?"
Better Call Saul
"That had nothing to do with work, and we were just screwing around."
Better Call Saul
"This, fabricating evidence--"
Better Call Saul
"Jimmy, this could really hurt you if they find out, if you get caught."
Better Call Saul
"- They're never gonna find out. - Seriously?"
Better Call Saul
"You sound like every dumb criminal out there."
Better Call Saul
"If you keep this up, they will find out."
Better Call Saul
"For what, Jimmy?"
Better Call Saul
"What is the point?"
Better Call Saul
"I cannot hear about this sort of thing..."
Better Call Saul
"...ever again, okay?"
Better Call Saul
"I mean it, Jimmy."
Better Call Saul
"You won't."
Better Call Saul