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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - The Shucker (S09E09)

"Come to Papa."
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"Oh, I have missed you. ( clicks tongue )"
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"Well, got my hat."
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"Thanks again for those tickets."
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"Yeah, that's kind of what I wanna talk to you about."
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"Um, Lin called me up,"
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"told me his wife was gonna be sitting next to me."
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"He thinks the tickets are for me, and so I have to go now."
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"So, I need-- sorry to say, I need the tickets back."
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"Because if she sees you there,"
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"I am gonna be in a lot of trouble."
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"- All right. - Come on."
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"For $2,500."
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"You're quite a prick, aren't you?"
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"It's the Shucker's way."
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"I don't have that kind of cash on me."
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"It's okay, we take credit cards."
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"Yeah."
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"Thank you."
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"Man on TV: Jarvis isn't living up"
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"- No! - Yeah!"
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"- ( sighs ) - Oh, my God."
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"- Oh, yeah. - It's worse than the other thing we were watching."
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"on that one, though, so it's okay."
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"- Oh, really? - Yeah."
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"- Oh, that's good. - What do you wanna do?"
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"- What do I wanna do? - Mm-hmm."
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"- You mean right now? - Mm-hmm."
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"Oh."
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"what would it be?"
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"- ( smacks lips ) - Sexually."
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"- Well... - Mm-hmm?"
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"I just like to get an erection, put it in a vagina."
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"I would just get on the top"
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"and thrust until orgasm."
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"- Hmm. - I'm sexually a very simple man."
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"Oh."
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"Hmm."
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"- But there is something that can change that. - Oh."
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"- I got something. I got something... - There we go."
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"This is a relationship nondisclosure agreement?"
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"- Yeah. - Is this a joke?"
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"No, no."
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"You-- this is a nondisclosure agreement"
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"that you want me to sign?"
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"Yeah, we both-- we both have to sign it."
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"This is terrible! This is-- what's wrong with you?"
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"It's-- it's just a discretion thing. You know, it's a--"
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""Partners prohibited from disclosing the quality of the sexual experience"
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"or the degree of satisfaction attained"?"
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"This has never existed before."
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"- This is insane. - I know, it's brilliant."
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"- It's not brilliant. - It locks in discretion, it's--"
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""Partners shall not divulge any details"
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"including the use of toys, lotions, ointments...""
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"What are you talking about?"
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"- Fantastic idea. - Larry, you are out of your mind."
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"- No, uh-- - This is horrible."
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"- We can-- we can go wild. - No, it won't."
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"This is a great idea. I-- I wish I thought of it years ago!"
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"I wish my ex-wife had signed one, I can tell you that!"
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"'Cause I know she's talking, she's blabbing."
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"She's telling Ted Danson everything."
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"What happened in Tahoe--"
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"she's told him what happened in Tahoe!"
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"You're presenting me with a legal document."
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"It's the least sexy thing anyone has ever done, ever!"
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"- It's like a prenup! - Bye."
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"You're not thinking this through!"
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"Bridget, if we had this, it'll take the boredom away!"
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"Sign this and you'll have the wildest sex you ever imagined!"
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"- No. - Just sign it!"
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"- No. - Orgasms galore!"
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"That's what I'm promising you, baby!"
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"Orgasms galore! You won't regret it!"
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"I'm not signing your dumb piece of paper, Larry."
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"Should've known this was not gonna work out."
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"Eddie never liked you!"
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"It is not pretend. He has Asperger's."
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"What's your excuse?"
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"( tapping ) You're missing out on Tahoe Larry!"
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"the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin."
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"Larry David is suing Rose Shapiro"
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"Larry David says that Mrs. Shapiro"
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"has made him feel unsafe in his own home."
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"for sole custody of the plant on grounds of plant abuse."
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"Petri: All rise."
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"Oh, my God."
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"Your Honor, it's case number 249 on the calendar in the matter of David vs. Shapiro."
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"Oh, my fucking God!"
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"- Judy: When was that? - Five years ago."
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"Subsequently, several weeks ago,"
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"you, without invitation,"
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"( chuckles ) That's him!"
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"That's the guy. That's the guy I was telling you about."
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"This is the guy you had all those sex stories about?"
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"Yes, that's Larry Long Balls."
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"Finally, I shoo her away."
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"Miss Shapiro, I see that you have some evidence here."
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"This is the way the plant looked"
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"- when I found it in his house. - ( courtroom gasps )"
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"- I wanna object. Objection. - Larry: Yeah."
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"- Total objection to that plant. - Judy: Just a second."
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"Does he have any relevant information"
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"that would help-- that would help your case?"
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"I do. This plant is like a person."
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"Certain parts of the year, that plant turns darker, like myself."
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"but there are some-- some parts of the year when I'm more mahogany."
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"Let's get finished with the various tones of Mr. Black"
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"and let's move on to something else."
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"Your Honor, is it possible I could pace"
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"Would you put him in his seat?"
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"- Mrs. Shapiro. - Rose: Yes?"
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"You have another exhibit underneath that"
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"to show me what the plant looks like now?"
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"- Yes, I do. - Larry: Anybody want a cough drop?"
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"You want one, Judge? Judge Sheindlin?"
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"You want a cough drop?"
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"It's so hard to be fair."
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"Byrd, give her a cough drop."
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