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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Maximum Security (S03E03)

Detective Pimento didn't want his funeral to feel stuffy.

"Detective Pimento didn't want his funeral to feel stuffy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Condolences, my man.

"Condolences, my man."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What's going on, sir?

"What's going on, sir?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why are you high-fiving the bereaved?

"Why are you high-fiving the bereaved?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The system works.

"The system works."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Any sign of Scar-Joe?

"Any sign of Scar-Joe?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All these jerks keep on asking me how I'm doing.

"All these jerks keep on asking me how I'm doing."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This shouldn't be so difficult.

"This shouldn't be so difficult."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'll make myself cry.

"I'll make myself cry."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Watch:

"Watch:"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's not how this works.

"That's not how this works."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Or is it?

"Or is it?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Suck it, Sarge.

"Suck it, Sarge."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Give me those 20-pounders.

"Give me those 20-pounders."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No weight lifting.

"No weight lifting."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You can shoot that baby across the room.

"You can shoot that baby across the room."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What's going on? I was stepping to her.

"What's going on? I was stepping to her."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

She was holding a 20-pound weight.

"She was holding a 20-pound weight."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's basically Thor's hammer, babe.

"That's basically Thor's hammer, babe."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Just, you know, don't confront her when she's armed.

"Just, you know, don't confront her when she's armed."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Fine.

"Fine."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

She had a fork.

"She had a fork."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Socks are just a noose waiting to be braided.

"Socks are just a noose waiting to be braided."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We were playing hearts.

"We were playing hearts."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

In the wrong hands, every playing card

"In the wrong hands, every playing card"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

She was alone, her hands were empty,

"She was alone, her hands were empty,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and I think she was napping.

"and I think she was napping."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So what was the big threat this time?

"So what was the big threat this time?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You did the signal.

"You did the signal."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You scratched your butt. Right, Boyle?

"You scratched your butt. Right, Boyle?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh, I don't know. I was focused on her waddle.

"Uh, I don't know. I was focused on her waddle."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Which you are nailing, by the way.

"Which you are nailing, by the way."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, I know for a fact that I didn't scratch my butt

"Well, I know for a fact that I didn't scratch my butt"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

because my right cheek was actually itchy

"because my right cheek was actually itchy"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and I fought through it.

"and I fought through it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know what's really going on here.

"I know what's really going on here."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, you know what? Fine, you're right, I don't.

"Okay, you know what? Fine, you're right, I don't."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But it's only because Maura is so much more terrifying

"But it's only because Maura is so much more terrifying"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I mean, she has a full back tattoo

"I mean, she has a full back tattoo"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

of herself stabbing a guy.

"of herself stabbing a guy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He looks like Tom Hanks!

"He looks like Tom Hanks!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, and that's America's male sweetheart.

"Yeah, and that's America's male sweetheart."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can't believe this.

"I can't believe this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You wouldn't tell Rosa to stand down.

"You wouldn't tell Rosa to stand down."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, yeah, because she's Rosa.

"Well, yeah, because she's Rosa."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

using a knife, just like in the movies.

"using a knife, just like in the movies."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, I'm your handler, all right?

"Look, I'm your handler, all right?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My job is to keep you safe. It's the right call.

"My job is to keep you safe. It's the right call."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Fine, I'll slow-play it.

"Fine, I'll slow-play it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But people are getting suspicious,

"But people are getting suspicious,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so you can't come running in

"so you can't come running in"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Are we good?

"Are we good?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, we're good.

"Yeah, we're good."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This is so sweet. Now kiss her belly.

"This is so sweet. Now kiss her belly."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So let us all bow our heads

"So let us all bow our heads"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and join together for a moment of silence.

"and join together for a moment of silence."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Pretty normal for a moment of silence.

"Pretty normal for a moment of silence."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, be cool. Let's check him out.

"Okay, be cool. Let's check him out."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Please make me defile this church.

"Please make me defile this church."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What do you want?

"What do you want?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Take off your gloves and show us your hands.

"Take off your gloves and show us your hands."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And no scar.

"And no scar."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He's just a glove-wearing freak with beautiful hands.

"He's just a glove-wearing freak with beautiful hands."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He's a pickpocket.

"He's a pickpocket."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Also, Scully, here's your wallet back.

"Also, Scully, here's your wallet back."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

How's Amy doing?

"How's Amy doing?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Is she paying enough attention to her pelvic floor?

"Is she paying enough attention to her pelvic floor?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ignoring that.

"Ignoring that."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"She is keeping a low profile, just like we discussed."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm really impressed with you two.

"I'm really impressed with you two."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but talked it through like adults.

"but talked it through like adults."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, the key is trust.

"Well, the key is trust."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I trust her to stay out of danger,

"I trust her to stay out of danger,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and she trusts me not to interfere.

"and she trusts me not to interfere."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?

"What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Showing my unborn baby how an ass gets kicked.

"Showing my unborn baby how an ass gets kicked."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, Cortez, time for your checkup.

"All right, Cortez, time for your checkup."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, thank you, I feel fine.

"No, thank you, I feel fine."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, you don't.

"No, you don't."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This ute's gonna boot.

"This ute's gonna boot."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What the hell?

"What the hell?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, hey, hey.

"Hey, hey, hey."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The baby can hear you yelling and it's upsetting him.

"The baby can hear you yelling and it's upsetting him."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, stop.

"Okay, stop."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The truth is, I'm the one

"The truth is, I'm the one"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

unarmed, locked up with all these murderers.

"unarmed, locked up with all these murderers."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's just too much for me.

"It's just too much for me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, my God. Amy, go to him.

"Oh, my God. Amy, go to him."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- I screwed up. - No, you didn't.

"- I screwed up. - No, you didn't."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Being a cop and dating a cop...

"Being a cop and dating a cop..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It's harder than I thought it would be.

"It's harder than I thought it would be."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I worry about you too.

"I worry about you too."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, my God. Jake, go to her.

"Oh, my God. Jake, go to her."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why aren't you going to each other?

"Why aren't you going to each other?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Are you sure?

"Are you sure?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

by dragging you into my office

"by dragging you into my office"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But... I think I know how to get things back on track.

"But... I think I know how to get things back on track."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey,

"Hey,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sorry that wasn't Scar-Joe.

"Sorry that wasn't Scar-Joe."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Talking about your feelings is for losers.

"Talking about your feelings is for losers."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I guess Adele's a loser in your world.

"I guess Adele's a loser in your world."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, the funeral's almost over,

"Look, the funeral's almost over,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

we basically pulled it off.

"we basically pulled it off."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Roger that.

"Roger that."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Thanks for coming.

"Thanks for coming."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Adrian Pimento was very special to me.

"Adrian Pimento was very special to me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And now he's gone.

"And now he's gone."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And I'm starting to realize...

"And I'm starting to realize..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

there's nothing I can do to bring him back.

"there's nothing I can do to bring him back."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But it's nice to know there's a room full of people

"But it's nice to know there's a room full of people"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

who is sucks for too.

"who is sucks for too."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'd also like to add...

"I'd also like to add..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And... she's back.

"And... she's back."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, this is it, I'm leaving.

"Okay, this is it, I'm leaving."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Just let her do her thing.

"Just let her do her thing."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

she doesn't somehow get the death penalty.

"she doesn't somehow get the death penalty."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Stay tough, Cortez.

"Stay tough, Cortez."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're touching her boob. Should I turn away, or...

"You're touching her boob. Should I turn away, or..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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